Some ideas in this piece are drawn from "The Mountain Is You" by Brianna Wiest.
Public opinions exist only where there are no ideas.
It may seem that the entire point of our existence is chasing happiness, but what you're really after is the sense of whatever you are most used to.
Most people don't realise, but their entire life is like an echo chamber. Same patterns, same people, same results. It's not all our fault, human beings are guided by comfort. They stay close to what feels familiar and reject what doesn't, even if it's objectively better for them.
In an effort to love ourselves, we try to validate everything about who we are. Yet you must have noticed that those warm sentiments never quite seem to stick, just temporarily numbing the discomfort. Why don't they work? That is the answer we are all aware of because deep down we know we are not quite being who we want to be, and until we accept this, we are never going to find peace.
"Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at something worth doing." — Theodore Roosevelt
How to get out of denial
When we are in denial, we tend to go into "blame mode." We look for anyone or anything to explain why we are the way we are, then we start justifying.
If you have to constantly rationalise why you are unhappy about your life, you are not getting any closer to creating the lasting change that you so deeply desire.
Happiness is not something you can chase. It is something you have to allow.
This likely will come as a surprise to many people, as the world is so adamant about everything from positive psychology to motivational Pinterest boards, but happiness is not something you can coach yourself into.
It is your neutral state. That means you will return to it on your own if you allow the other feelings to be felt and not resisted. The less you resist your unhappiness the happier you will be. It is often just trying too hard to feel one certain way that sets us up for failure.
Becoming better vs becoming happy
Close your eyes and think about who the best version of you would look like if that person is on a cruise enjoying the most expensive champagne, the problem is deeper than you realise. Dream and envisioning the our happiest version does not mean that same as our best version. It also means that you are not struggling enough to understand the difference. A teacher once told me the most dangerous place to be is none other than comfort zone. We all know what we need to do but choose temporary happiness over what we really want. To change this you have to change you have start choose yourself in the present over any vision you have.
The Work
To break this pattern, you have to start choosing yourself now — not the future version, not the potential version. The one sitting here, today.
You have to release yourself into the fire of your actual vision and think in ways you've never thought before. You have to mourn who you were, acknowledge the person who got you this far, and then step into who you're becoming.
The task is silent, simple, and monumental. Most people never even get to the point of showing up for it. You must now learn agility, resilience, and self-understanding, you must change completely never to be the same again.
Next Article — Coming Soon